How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
