Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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