Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
