hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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