i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
