we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize