This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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