I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
