How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
