My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
