I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
