I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
