i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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