i may or may not be watching the land before time
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
