Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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