Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize