i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
