Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
