i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
