party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
