Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
