I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
