ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
