she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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