Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
