Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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