you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
