Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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