Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
