That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
