just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
