I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
