Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
