pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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