I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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