If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
