Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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