Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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