do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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