The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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