with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
