I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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