Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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