i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
