he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
