I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am one with the molecules
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
