I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
