The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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