Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
