they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
