dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
