Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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