please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
