I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
