I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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