I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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