I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
