I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
