Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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