when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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