I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
