apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
