I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
